1. I don’t have to attend every argument (or political debate, whatever the case may be) I’m invited to even if it arrives in the form of an engraved invitation on a silver platter via a coach and horsemen- and horses, four of them. And if you weren’t invited then stay–wait! Why would you wanna go when you weren’t invited? Stay home.
2. It’s better to be happy than be right (this one still filed under “Fake til You Make -cause I still just like to be right)
3.More tolerance and love for my neighbor is called for. Note: Not all neighbors are neighborly including myself and your neighbor is anyone and everyone. Note: don’t be mean to yourself.
4.Give others the right to be wrong.
5.Ron White was right about stupid-it can’t be fixed because I tried
6.I need a Travis Tritt t-shirt with sleeves cut off. (Seems random but it isn’t. I’m just not at liberty to discuss its relevance to this writing.)
7.What I call irony is usually just plain sarcasm which I call irony because it sounds literary and just more better.
8.Not every neighbor appreciates your particular brand of sarcasm and your total dedication to it.
9.What I call sarcasm is sometimes (or often or always) just plain mockery.
10.Sometimes it seems like some neighbors are asking (begging and screaming) for irony, sarcasm, and/or mockery and pepper spray.
11.Don’t waste your precious time or your razor-sharp wit and good jokes trying to help a neighbor see the error of his ways because of #5.
12.Instead of trying to do #11 go write your good stuff down and start in earnest on a razor-sharp, witty, ironic, sarcastic mockery of politics and the people Ron warned you about and stuff on this list.
13.If you can’t take the heat stay out of the kitchen or if you dish it out you better be ready to take it or don’t be a bully, Scut Farkus
14.I cannot take the heat so I probably(definitely without a shadow of a doubt) need to refrain from dishing out anything but love, good music playlists, and delicious food. Also, it’s not fun to be bullied with words(shocking, I know).
15.Do not discuss politics unless you are 100% positive that you and the other party(s) are in agreement This is because you are a hot mess with a smart mouth who has too much to work on in herself to be studying political debate. Go back to being apathetic or learn to play right. Note: Remember that scientists found a cure for apathy but no one seemed to care. This one needs to be resolved without excuses because it’s gotten old. You have four years and two days to do it, starting right now. Jesus could tarry until the next presidential election, dreadful though it may be.
16.The taste of crow apparently cannot be aquired even after many years of consumption. Crow tastes like crap no matter how it’s prepared. I’m finishing up a breast and a wing right now with a side of humble pie that I am not in the mood for. I’m tired of eating the nasty stuff. The pie tastes bad, too…here, have a bite….
17.Last (and only because I’ve worn myself out screwing up all day) but definitely not least….If you decide to ignore all of the above and enter a bitter battle of words with someone do not announce to the free world on social media that you have “dropped the mic” or “Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.” Because, let’s be honest. You might’ve held an actual microphone in your hand and even projected your voice through it, you have never dropped one intentionally to make the point that you’ve made your point and “peace out, suckahs” and all that. And while you may love Elvis dearly and laud him as the rightful ruler of rock and roll you know you have no business comparing your exit from the debate to the King leaving a concert venue.
(This list is a work in progress and subject (oh, there’s more, much more) to more entries)
(I’ve never used so many sets of parentheses in my whole crazy life)
Goodnight from the corner of Exhausted and Embarassed!!